Archive for September, 2014

How Is He?

Another overheard conversation between two little old ladies

To whit:

Little Old Lady  #1: Do you remember Joe who lived over the road?
LOL #2: Yes…
LOL #1: He died last week
LOL #2: Oh, no. How is he?

Kill Me Now

An infamously mad old bat got on at the height of this morning’s storm

To whit:

Me: (Somewhat tersely) Morning
Mad Old Bat: You should smile, handsome man like you.
Me: (Through the most gritted of teeth) I’m just concentrating. This rain makes it very difficult to drive.
MOB: (Looking me up and down) Ooh, if I wasn’t married…
Me: Kill me now
MOB: Eh?
Me: Ready to go?
MOB: Yes, thanks

Vicky P

A gaggle of rotund Vicky Pollards got on, led by the biggest of gut and flattest of face.

To whit…

Vicky Pollard: How much to the college?
Me: £2.20
VP: What? It’s a quid in Keynsham
Little old man stood behind them: You only have to walk through Sainsbury’s and you’re there!
VP: Walk? We’ve just been in Jimmy Spicings! We’re too fat. (Burps)
Me: You are that
VP: You wha’?
Me: £2.20 then?
VP: Thanks drive