Archive for April, 2015


Four slightly tipsy old ladies got on in town and proceeded to cackle vociferously all the way around the 14 route up Odd Down. They got a bit quiet as we swung round Cranmore Place, a part of Bath the tourists rarely see, as they realised they had no idea where they were. It’s not South Central up there, but neither is it Royal Avenue.

As we eventully turned into the station once again, they, as one, came up to my Perspex Driver’s Pod™ and clustered around it like geese at feeding time. Apparently, reflections on the windows caused by the lights in the carriage had caused them to become somewhat confused.

To whit:

Me: (Intrigued): You OK, ladies?
Tipsy Old Lady #1: We want to go to Crescent Gardens
Me: Er…where’s that?
All: (giggling) We don’t know!
Me: Er…
TOL #2: We couldn’t see where we were because you had the lights on!
TOL #3: You had the lights on…
TOL #1: … so we couldn’t see out!
Me: Wha…?
All: We couldn’t see out
Me: (Having checked Google maps) Look, we’ll go past it on the way to the hospital. We’ll leave in about six minutes. OK?
TOL #2: Can you turn the lights off so we can see?
TOL #3: Ooh yes. Can you?
TOL #2: So we can see?
TOL #1: We can’t see out!
Me: (Slowly) It’s probably best not to. It’ll be a bit dark back there…

All giggle behind their hands

TOL #1: We’ll get a taxi.
Me: None taken
TOL #4: (To TOL #1 as they all troop off) Where are we going?


I took it upon myself to try and clean the plastic guard that separates the humble bus driver from the punters, so I grabbed a handful of paper towels and set about the myriad fossilised bogies, hand smears, ancient sneezes and other assorted smeg that festooned said barrier. Needless to say, I was wearing my somewhat snug ‘Summer’ polyester trousers, so was looking pretty choice.

Little Old Lady: (To her pal) He can come round and clean my windows any time
Me: Fantastic