Archive for August, 2015


A little old lady, pushing a four-wheeled zimmer-type thing at the speed of a tortoise rolling up a hill, flags me down by standing in the middle of the road and waving manically as I approach.

I manage to avoid her, stop and open the doors. As she staggers on, bashing all and sundry with the aforesaid contraption, the following conversation ensues.

To whit:

Me: Have you seen the colossal mess a bus the size of this one can make of someone like you?
Little Old Lady: (oblivious) I’ve just been to the doctor’s
Me: Yeah, you realise that what you just did is incredibly dangerous? You’ll be back at the doctor’s before you know it
LOL: I had an injection
Me: Did you? Was it meth?
LOL: Eh?
Me: It’s for the best. Park that thing where you can, OK?
LOL: I’ve just been to the doctor’s
Me: Jesus H Boots…


Yet another gem from the 10. A little old lady shrilly pipes out of the window to a gaggle of her shuffling silver-haired friends as we drive past.

To whit:

LOL: ‘Ere! I’m on the bus! Look! ‘Ere!
Me: Sigh…


Coming in from Bathampton, I stop to pick up a little old lady who I’d dropped off less than 10 minutes previously

Me: Hello again. That was quick
Little Old Lady: I forgot my prescription. I’d forget my head if it wasn’t screwed on!
Me: I know what you mean; I’d forget my balls if they weren’t in a bag
LOL: Pardon?
Me: Did you look in your handbag?
LOL: Yes
Me: Oh well… off we go