Archive for February, 2016


An American woman, straight from central casting and wielding an excruciating ‘oh…ma…God’ accent, was waiting to get off at the bus station. We pulled into a bay and, as I opened the double bus doors to allow her to alight, the following conversation ensued

To whit:

American woman: Is this the elevator?
Me: (incredulously) Sorry…elevator?
AW: Y’know… the lift…up to the bus station?
Me: No
AW: OK. So, where is the bus station?
Me: We’re here…
AW: Oh sorry, my hearing aid’s not working
Me: Trump’s trousers…


On a packed bus during the school run, a young mum is loudly helping her small daughter remember her somewhat extensive collection of names

To whit:

Young mum: So, what’s your name?
Small daughter: Sophie
YM: What else?
SD: Um…
YM: Sophie… Jade… Esme… anything else?
SD: Um…
YM: Summer…
SD: Why did you call me Summer?
YM: Well, we couldn’t call you Winter, could we?
Me: No; that would be stupid…