Archive for March, 2016


It’s horrendously busy Saturday evening and the bus is packed to the gunnels with jocular rugby fans in varying states of belching inebriation. I pick a woman up at the Guildhall who proceeds to ask for the nearest stop to a church situated at the top of Walcot Street. The stop is Walcot Gate, about six minutes walk away, and the citadel in question is the First Church of Christ Scientist.

This, as the following conversation unfolded, should have been my first clue.

To whit:

Yampy Christ Scientist Woman: Walcot Gate? OK, how much is that?
Me: £2.20
YCSW: Not it’s not
Me: Sorry…?
YCSW: It’s not £2.20
Me: (Fearing some sort of Jedi mind trick) I can assure you that it is
YCSW: (Fixing me with a steely glare) It’s not. It’s £2.20 all the way to Larkhall, not just up the road
Me: It’s £2.20 to Walcot Gate
YCSM: No it’s not
Me: Yes it is
YCSW: No it’s not
Me: It’s a £2.20 flat fare. It’s been this way since 2014
YCSW: No it hasn’t
Me: Yes it has
YCSW: No it hasn’t
Me: Look, I’m sure you think you’re right but it’s £2.20
YCSW: (Stroppily) Well, I may as well walk then. It’s only up the road
Me: May your God be with you