I took it upon myself to try and clean the plastic guard that separates the humble bus driver from the punters, so I grabbed a handful of paper towels and set about the myriad fossilised bogies, hand smears, ancient sneezes and other assorted smeg that festooned said barrier. Needless to say, I was wearing my somewhat snug ‘Summer’ polyester trousers, so was looking pretty choice.

Little Old Lady: (To her pal) He can come round and clean my windows any time
Me: Fantastic